Implant Compulsory For Mobile Phone Users

As part of a global initiative to cut background noise, it is announced today that all mobile phone users must have an implant if they want to talk on their phones  in a public place.

The implant consists of a tiny electrical circuit inserted under the skin above the ear*.  This will connect with the mobile when a call is made.  Sound is conducted through the skull and reportedly feels louder to  the person talking.  They speak  more quietly and reduction in the level of local background noise is noticeable.

Bone-anchored hearing-aids or BAHA are commonly used for people who cannot wear conventional hearing-aids.   Using existing technology means that the implants will be funded under current fiscal budgets.  For further details, please contact the Department for Corporate and Social Responsibility of any mobile phone company.

  • Please note this operation can only be performed by a qualified Audiological Surgeon

Hearing Wellbeing takes no responsibility for any action taken after reading this notice.

Posted at 00.30 hours GMT 1st April 2012

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2 thoughts on “Implant Compulsory For Mobile Phone Users

  1. This is just not right. It’s like taking away our freedom of communication and diverting it to a more complex level. Instead of focusing on noise pollution, legislators and administrators should focus on other important matters like global warming, human trafficking, and malnutrition in Africa.

    • Thanks for your reply. It inspired the next blog – Too Close To The Bone. To give you a serious response, look at the Background Noise blog. We are seriously in danger of deafening ourselves and unbalancing the status quo that says everyone has a right to hear themselves think! Also people returning from war, on any side, are experiencing deafness. This happened 70 years ago in a world war and no-one learnt from it. Oh, headphones were produced in the UK in 2008(!) that meant communication could be made with other members of a patrol without taking the headphones off first. Developed in a military capacity where solutions are needed fast. That’s where most hearing technology has come from so there are attempts to rebuild where there was destruction. Will you blog about those issues you mention? I would be interested in your opinion.

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